Hello Xanga world.
I've had this blog for quite some time, and never felt that anything in my life was interesting enough to share. While I still feel that way, Ive come to a point where things are getting too stressful for me to handle without releasing my thoughts and feelings in some way.
To start, I found out on February 27th that my neighbors son, Patrick, has a huge brain tumor and 2 cysts on his brain. Patrick is 13, and comes from one of the best families that I have ever known. they are genuinely great people, and its sad that these things have to happen to the good guys. For a few years, Patrick had been suffering from really bad migranes & he just overall didnt feel well, and everyone just chalked it up to migranes, hey even i get them on a regular basis. So that day at school (hes in 8th grade now) he got really dizzy and took a hard fall in the hallway. He hit his head pretty bad so they sent him to the doctor to get an X-Ray. They found something on the X-Ray but wouldnt tell his parents what it was. they just said "take him to the emergency room, NOW." so they took him up to CHKD in Norfolk & they took some tests. Thats when they found the tumor and the 2 cysts. they were putting alot of pressure on his brain, and keeping the spinal fluid from draining properly, which was partly causing the dizzyness. So finally, about a week and a half ago, they did surgery and got it out. It was cancer, but they are pretty sure they got it all, he will just need to be monitered for a while. Hes making an amazing recovery. All his motor skills are nearing 100% already, and his hand/eye coordination is coming back faster than they expected. So hes now discharged and is just doing PT and OT for a few weeks. hopefully he will be back at school next month. For a while, they werent sure what was going to happen. there was some speculation that they couldnt get the tumor out without paralyzing him, and there was a chance he wouldnt live through the surgery. so times have been stressful and ive been praying more than ive ever prayed before.
Now to the biggest pain in my life. Daniel. Daniel and i met at the end of April, 2008. A mutual friend of ours killed himself & we met at his candlelight memorial. When we first met, there was no "omg he/she is so hot i want to hook up" it was just a feeling of mutual loss and we had nobody else that we could talk to about it. especially me, since i was with Eric the night before he killed himself, and me being at his house is the reason the fight between him & his ex started. so I was feeling an overwhelming load of guilt and remorse. We spent alot of time together, just trying to work through what we were dealing with, and eventually, we fell for eachother. classic. We dated for 9 months, (we just broke up at the beginning of this month). everything was fine for a while. it started back in August. I had the flu for a week and a half, so he decided to take a bodyboarding trip to NC with a group of his friends. which is cool, i dont want to make anyone feel like they have to sit and be miserable just because i am. so his entire trip he had "no cell service" which again, is fine. im not a crazy girlfriend that NEEDS to talk to her man all the time. i trusted him. Which apparently was stupid. A few weeks later, i found a picture of some girl on his phone. I asked who it was, very very calmly if i do say so myself, and he said "its a friend" so i asked who and he couldnt even tell me her last name. so i of course, didnt believe him. He said the picture was text messaged to him by her, when she was "prank calling" him and his buddies, and any picture he gets is automatically saved. whatever. i just let it go. fast forward a few months to November, right after my 21st birthday. We are sitting at my house, and his sister sent him a picture of her new baby. so i ask him to send it to me so i can put it as her caller id picture. so he goes through this whole process of saving the picture. so i say "you told me your phone saves them automatically" and he says "OH thats right..." and proceeds to fiddle with his phone for TEN MINUTES acting like it really does and he just cant find it. so i know hes lying. and has been lying, for months. so needless to say, starts a huge fight. shortly thereafter, he starts getting really clingy. calling all the time, texting all the time. he stopped hanging out with his friends, and if hes not with me or at work, hes at home. i didnt tell him to stop hanging out with his friends, i just told him i didnt trust him anymore. i frequently said "hey, so and so wants me to come hang out today, why dont you go hang out with the boys" and he would be like "no i just wanna stay home" so i'd go out with my girlfriends, and he would blow up my phone while im gone and then be all pissy when i got back. after a while that got old and i told him it just wasnt gonna work out. for a few days, he does the calling/emailing/texting "baby i love you please come back. i want to marry you" stuff. then one day a switch flips and he starts screaming at me and telling me "i hope you get raped again so i can laugh in your fucking face, and i hope he enjoys every minute of it" (i have the text saved just incase) and telling me that he did cheat on me back in north carolina, and calling me all these terrible names and insulting me to my face, and to anyone that will listen. i just dont understand how somebody can spend almost a year telling you they love you & that you make them a better person and they want to marry you, and then just because you leave them, they totally bash everything they once loved about you. i didnt even do anything to hurt him, i didnt cheat, i didnt say mean things about him, i didnt leave him for some other guy. i did what i thought was the mature thing, instead of dragging it out and making both of us unhappy, i left before it got bad. HE cheated. i should be the one talking terrible things about him not the other way around. Im just so sick of waking up every day to mean emails and texts and its so hard to enjoy myself when ive got his friends calling telling me hes back to having sex with his 17yr old ex girlfriend (hes 21) and talking so much crap. its immature and i wish people would be bigger than that.
On the upside of things, Im going to be moving up to ODU's campus next year so that i can focus more on my last year of school and just get it done. With living at home & working full time the past few years, i have been dragging out school longer than i need to and havent been doing as well as i would like. Plus, living on my own (even if it is only 45 minutes away from home) right now, will make the transition easier when i leave for florida on my own next year or the year after. Im an only child, so ive never really been away from my parents. its sad. but im ready to go.
Im going to try to update this regularly, but i cant promise it will ever be interesting enough to waste time reading. But feel free to sneak a peek into my life if you want :)
have a great day everyone!
<3 Nicole
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